the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She's the barista slut.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
