At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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