Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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