I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
