My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
