Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
