How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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