I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
