you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
