Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How naked do you want me to be?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
