Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
