My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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