I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
