I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
