how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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