i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
