I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
