I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just blew my weed a kiss
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
