i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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