So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
