I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
