I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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