ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
