You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
