I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
