So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
