so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
