Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
did i just pee glitter
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
