The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
