True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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