Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
