Got a toothbrush?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
