i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
How naked do you want me to be?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
