I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
