My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
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