I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
