nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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