Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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