Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize