Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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