I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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