I must be too annoying 4 u.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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