May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
