Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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