somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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