I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
