This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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