Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
