Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
