If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
