omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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