go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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