come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
