dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
