A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
